Weblog

Saturday, 06 February 2010

  • Recovery

    Everytime I think I'm over Jeff, he does something to completely fuck with me, to start my head spinning in circles, where I find myself completely wrapped up in him again.

    But that is not where to start this. The best place to begin is where we last left off... with my addiction. I had been doing fantastic with my recovery from sexual addiction, better than anyone could have ever hoped. I suppose I should have known that it was all progressing too smoothly, nothing in my life ever goes as easy as it should. But I quit sex, cold turkey, in the beginning of November. And it worked out quite fantastically that at that same time, Jeff got himself a girlfriend, so we were off limits to one another, each for different reasons. So for 3 months, we hardly spoke. We'd hang out occasionally, and it became less and less awkward. And Jeff crazily enough, began to fall for this new girl. At some point, I asked him if Alyce asked him never to speak to me or see me again, he would just walk out of my life. And he said he would. Those months apart led me to rediscover myself, and to recover. It was fantastic.

    At work, we recently hired a guy who is the same age as me, who lives only blocks up the street from me. James. Me and my J's. I've known James most of my life, and I've always had a bit of a crush on him. And when he was hired on, I was curious. Curious if he felt the same things that I do. So we began to flirt. And our flirting got heavier and heavier, until Saturday, after work, we hung out, and sealed the deal. We had sex. I was so reluctant. I knew it meant compromising my recovery, but I so wanted to try. I was so curious. I was so excited someone I'd been interested in for so long could be interested in me too. As always, a big part of it was also me hoping that this would be it, we'd have sex, fall in love, and Jeff would be a distant nightmare. We had sex, and it was fantastic for me. I was completely awful, which is odd for me, but I think that was all nerves. I don't want to get into that... But it was great, and the only comparable sex for me was that which I had had with Jeff. And I kind of obsessed on it, wondering if maybe my judgement had been so impaired everytime Jeff and I had fucked because I was so deeply attached emotionally. But I knew that I was not finding out, because Jeff was involved.

    James and I worked together the next day, and it was incredibly awful. I had failed so miserably... I wanted to have another go at it to redeem myself. But James was very uninterested. His curiousity was satiated, and my lust was not. I wanted to compare everyone to Jeff, I wanted to prove my sexuality to myself. Over the next few days, it took all my will power not to just sleep with a random stranger. I don't know what I was waiting for exactly, but I was definitely waiting. And then on Thursday night, Jeff called me at 1 in the morning, asking me to come over. Immediately, my head jumped to the conclusion that he wanted sex, but I pushed it out of my mind, deciding he would not be unfaithful to a woman. He must just want to hang out or talk to someone, or who knows what. I accepted any conclusion my mind came to, and I headed over there. I practically ran out the door. So when I got there, and we leaped at one another, I was not suprised. I small piece of me was shocked, and I asked the questions no man with a hard on wants to hear. What's going on with him and Alyce? Of course, he just wanted to get me into bed as quickly as possible without loosing his zest, so talk of his girlfriend was unacceptable. So he told me it was complicated, and I accepted it. I just took that as good enough, and jumped right on him. Because why wouldn't I want to see their relationship go to ruins? As much as we all say we just want to see our exes happy, that's a lie. We all want to see them happy with us and miserable with anyone else. Or maybe I'm just a coniving bitch.

    And here I am right now, looking at his facebook page, at the newly single status of his. Wondering if it's all my fault or if I just brought the house of cards down quicker than it was already going to fall. And here I am, trying so hard not to call him again tonight, because I am so very lonely without him. And here I am, completely backtracking in my recovery from both love and Jeff.

Thursday, 03 December 2009

  • Addiction

    Life has been getting.... dare I say it? Better?

    I've been seeing my therapist for about a year now, and going to Emotions Anonymous meetings and taking meds for my depression and all that jazz, and then this week, we realized that I actually am suffering from an addiction, and that's why I'm still struggling. Yes, we realized this, because I'm not addicted to crack, or alcohol, or anything you can touch. I am a love addict. Yep. I needed to tell the world, but I'm too ashamed to put this anywhere else. But I went to my first Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meeting this week, and I had my doubts. I didn't really believe I belonged there. And then... I found myself relating to nearly every story. It was like I was plumetted into an alternate universe. When I got there, they had a survey, with 40 questions. If you answered yes to just one, they said you could benefit from the program. I answered yes to 35.

    I'm starting to discover that love is going to be the hardest thing for me to fix. If only I were addicted to booze, all I would have to do is stop. Ok, it's not that easy. but it's so much more tangible to know when you have done wrong. Love is everywhere -- I love my friends, my family. And they love me. But, to feed my crave for love, I have found myself throwing myself into relationships. I feel worthless unless I have a man in my life, in some way. And over the past few months, I've begun noticing that the sure way to draw a guy in is through sex, which has led me to start having casual sex, something I never took part in before. And some of the guys I have been with have literally destroyed a few friendships, and almost my job. It is not okay to have sex with your best friend's boyfriend. It is also not okay to have sex with your employees. I knew that before I started. No matter how much I told myself I wouldn't, and how much regret I felt without even doing anything, the call to go and fulfill my need got the best of me, and I did it. And then I felt even worse after. But for a few minutes of love, I would do anything.

    So what do I do now, now that I know I have a problem? Now that I want to change?

    I guess I should stay away from those I've been with recently. But how far can I really stay from the people I work with? Should I find a new job? And what about my guy friends I was with. Do I just end our friendship? 

    But I get a high off of just flirting, exchanging numbers, and I'm pretty sure I don't yet have the control necessary to stop if someone asked me to have sex with them. Am I supposed to stay home alone and never go out?

    I know I can't have sex now, or get in a relationship. I need to learn control, moderation, and then maybe someday I'll be ready. Right now I just feel so afraid, and alone, because I really don't know how to live without a guy. This is so hard, and I'm worried I am starting too weak and unhappy and alone. I need support, and I don't know where to find it. 

Saturday, 07 November 2009

  • hello world

    well it's been nearly another year since I was last on here, and unforunately nothing really has changed. I am still working at Taco Bell, still in love with Jeff. I wish I could say I started school again, or fell in love with someone who appreciates me, or something like that, but it really has been a boring year. The most thrilling thing that happened to me is: I got out of debt! I currently only owe about $500, which is a far cry from the nearly $5000 I owed this time last year. The worst part about owing that huge sum of money was that I to this day have no idea what it went to. Those debts were from credit cards (of which I bought only god knows what with), utility bills from the apartment (don't ask me what I bought instead of paying those), and personal loans (and I have no clue why I had to do that, I made 15000 last year). All my finances had been fine last year until Jeff left. He left, I lost my memory for a few months, and woke up again in a hospital bed. I wish I could rewind and prepare myself for all that happened. I wish I could undo everything from that time. I had a promotion at work at my fingertips prior, then I almost lost my job. Now my boss is still afraid to work me too many hours, to give me too many responsibilites, in fear I'll snap again. I doubt as long as that general manager is at Taco Bell I will get a promotion. But I must say I am proud of myself for working so hard this year at my bills, and being reconsidered for a management position. How many 20 somethings can honestly say they are debt free? I'm also proud of myself for reaching out to my friends again. From the time Jeff and I got together, I kind of deserted my friends. Honestly, not until this fall did I reconnect with anyone. I think I was incredibly terrified of them repeating things that happened between Jeff and I. He took away alot of things from me, and one  of those things was the ability to trust. I was afraid to have friends because I thought every last one of them would lie to me, treat me terribly, and then just leave me for dead in the middle of the night. It didn't matter how great they had ever been, relying on anyone seemed impossible. Even now, I can't bring myself to trust a straight man. They're not as great as they say they are, they don't really want the things they say they do, and they never mean a thing that comes out of their mouths. And I wish I could say that those are exaggerations, but they are not. I have no idea how I will get past this. None. And every day, Jeff still calls me, and for whatever reason, I still answer. He calls me at 3am sick, and I drive over to take care of him. It's 2am and he's drunk, and I'm his booty call. It's 1am and he's lonely, and I sleep next to him. I treat him as I always have, as the man I love, and he treats me worse everyday. Eachday I hear him tell me about a girl he's in love with, or some girl he had sex with, and I listen and smile because it's killing me but he can't know. If I dare call him late at night, I get told to fuck off, he doesn't want to see me. And somehow I think it's okay that I put up with it, because my happiness is something I have to sacrifice to have love. It's so wrong, but I have no clue what to do. I can't imagine loosing him for good. It's not something I could do to myself. I almost wish someone would read this and then call him up and tell him to leave me alone. This post is ending up nothing like I wanted it to. So I'm done for tonight.

Friday, 30 January 2009

  • I love myself a little more today :)

    I don't think that Heaven and Hell are as concrete as everyone makes them out to be. I don't believe that simply by following God's word everything will be alright, or that by doing something on a list damns you. I like to think that whoever is in charge of the universe is a little more forgiving than that. I need to know that when it all comes down to it, my friends who do not believe will go straight to hell because of it. I hope that the road to Heaven is abstract. That as long as you love everyone those around you, so long as you try to brighten at least one heart a day, that at least by being selfless God will forgive for all your other mistakes.
    When I tally up my mistakes and accomplishments, I like to think that I have enough good on my side to make it to those golden gates. That even though I have strayed from God at times, even to the point of non-belief, that those times that I worshipped a Goddess or another God, he forgives. That he is understanding. I gave $45 to a friend just because he needed it, no questions asked today. I wrote a letter to a guy who I was never very nice to and appologized and wished him the very best. And I meant it. I forgave a friend who I didn't think I could ever forgive. I smiled at the strangers passing me by. And I gave all the love that I have to someone today. I did all of these things in one day. And when I think back on my life, or at the very least the life I have lived recently, I know that everything I have done has been with the best intentions. And it makes me wonder if it will be enough in the end. Because we never know when our times are up. In my own life I have tried to take my life many, MANY times. And most of these times, I should not have come out fine. There was a period of time where weekly for a year I took more and more pills, creating what should have been deadly coctails. I think I started out at 10 and the very last time took 55 pills. The worst that happened to me then was I threw up. And so I live. And the time I hung myself, went unconsious, and somehow woke up hours later on the floor. Or the time I sliced open a major artery and nearly died of blood loss. And then there were the times where I didn't try to control fate, it just happened on it's own. Like when I drove off a back road going 50 mph, went into a 10-foot high ditch, rolled out, and finally stopped on some railroad tracks. There was hardly even a car left when I was done with that. And yet somehow, I walked away. No scratches. No bruises. Nothing. I have been lucky so many times, or maybe God just decided it was not my time. Maybe there is something more I must accomplish in this life. I have no idea what. Someone told me the strangest thing the other day. They told me that they "...think that (my) greatest gift to give is love. That (I) will never find anyone else who loves as much as (me), that it is both (my) blessing and curse." It was the strangest thing I have ever been told. And to think that that is what I am destined to do with my life, to love with all of my being and never have it returned in the same way, scares me shitless. It makes me wonder how much heartache I will have to endure in my lifetime. And then I wonder how much someone has to go through to die of a broken heart. Is it even possible? I've tried killing myself over a broken heart. That did not work, so I don't think that is how it happens. I don't know. But I wonder how much pain I can go through before I completely loose my senses, before they lock me up. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
    It also makes me wonder if I will ever love myself as strongly as  I love others. My whole life, it has felt like there is something missing from me, something wrong with me. Always. And as soon as I get over one dissappointment in myself, I too quickly find something else to bother me. Weight. Skin. Beauty. Accomplishments. Goals. Love Life. They say you can not truly love another until you love yourself, but I disagree. It seems like the only times that I am ever content with myself are the times when I have another. Perhaps someone to love is that piece that is missing the rest of the time. I just wish I knew why it is so easy to love others, and so hard to love myself. How I can overlook other's shortcomings, but never my own.
    I hope that God's eyes are not as nearsighted as my own.

Thursday, 28 February 2008

  • Well, I suppose it wouldn't kill me to update this thing every once in a while...

    So. Life has been very happy. For once in forever.

    Since I last updated, I've been working at Taco Bell, and I'm actually a Team Trainer right now, and working towards becoming a Shift Manager. Which is something I cannot wait for, for so very many reasons. Taco Bell is actually pretty cool, I still miss DQ though, and all my friends there.

    Jeff and I are still dating, and we're actually engaged! I really cannot wait to be Mrs. Hefner, but I'm having an identity crisis, I won't be kitch anymore... but I do love him with all of my heart and I know that we can make it through anything. January 16th, 2010, mark it on your calendars!

    I moved out of my parent's house, I'm still living in Mascoutah, only in my fabulous apartment with Jeff and our chihuaua Cinnamon.

    And about the only thing that sucks is how little I see my friends anymore! I don't know--I kind of just feel that I'm at a different point in my life right now than they are. I'm saving up for things like a wedding and a house and planning when to have babies and go shopping for things like china while my other friends are saving for college and dating random people, screwing random people, and shopping for couture and other fun things and they're planning on where they want to work after college. I guess we just don't really have much in common these days.

Top Tags

[no tags]

kitch07

  • Visit kitch07's Xanga Site
    • Name: Kitch
    • Birthday: 11/3/1988
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 3/25/2005

Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.

About Me

  • I'm 20, living back with the parents, missing my Cinnamon, and probably missing Jeff more...

Pulse

kitch07 has no pulse!...

Chatboard (4)

  • tfhermoinefan
    Good luck that she doesn't try to talk you out of quitting...like she did with me.
  • tfhermoinefan
    Where: Winterguard When: 2006 Winterguard...the bus...singing to Rent and Phantom of the Opera while really hyper due to someone always bringing soda on the trips...covering you with my guard blanket (literally!!)...that's about it since I really just moved here... We need to hang out. (import
  • tfhermoinefan
    Yes I'm using this to talk to you Kitch instead of commenting like normal people...cause I'm like that. Goodluck with telling Mrs. Smith about not doing Guard! At least you have real reasons...she just ended up talking me back into Colorguard...kind of didn't help that my mom agreed with her. But
  • itshotterthanasweatnmoose
    i know! what exactly happened?? i never heard.
  • kitch07
    hey! I have a chatboard! Well, why are you just sitting there reading? Chat back!
    • Posted 6/21/2006 12:24 AM
    • by kitch07
  • kitch07
    When: 1988 I was born! (imported from memories)
    • Posted 6/21/2006 12:24 AM
    • by kitch07